The Importance of Self-Care When Grieving
Healthy Ways to Deal With Grief: Self-Care Tips
When someone you care about dies, you might feel like your whole world has shifted. In the short-term, notifying loved ones, making funeral arrangements and settling their personal affairs might keep you busy enough to hold the feelings of grief at bay. But when the funeral is over and the casseroles stop coming, the waves of grief may start rolling over you. Especially if you are a caretaker for others impacted by your loved one’s passing, it’s more important than ever to find time for healthy coping for grief and practicing self-care in your grief.
What to do when grieving —8 healthy ways to deal with grief
Listen to the expert — yourself!
Every person experiences grief differently and can even have different experiences for each loss. When it comes to what’s best for you, no one knows you better than yourself. So listen to your body. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to sleep, sleep. Be gentle with yourself and pay attention to your body and your mind’s cues for what you need. There is no right way to grieve nor is there a timeline for grief. Take each day at your own pace and do what feels right for you.
2. Spend time with others
While alone time is valuable for processing your grief, spending too much time by yourself can create isolation. People in your life may be hesitant to reach out to allow you that time to grieve, but it’s important to remember that you have a community to support you. Picking up the phone to call or text someone when you need company can be difficult. Please remember: You and your grief are not a burden. Your loved ones want to help you in whatever ways they can. Spending time with others can simply mean inviting someone over to quietly keep you company while you do chores or work on a project; you don’t have to talk about how you’re feeling if you don’t want to.
3. Find moments of joy every day
The old adage, “laughter is the best medicine,” holds some truth; laughter releases stress-reducing chemicals in the brain. However, people often feel guilty for feeling happiness following the loss of a loved one, but allowing yourself to feel joy doesn’t mean you don’t miss them any less. Remember that your loved one wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life only being sad they’re gone. In fact, bereavement studies show people often cope with grief by oscillating between loss-related stressors (the painful emotions of losing someone, reminders of our deceased loved one, etc.) and restoration-related stressors (adapting to life changes related to the loss — like learning to do things your loved one used to do for you or adjusting to doing things by yourself that you used to do together). However, there’s also space between those two domains where a grieving person participates in everyday life unrelated to their grief. This is called the Dual Process Model of Grief, and it shows us that joy and grief are not mutually exclusive.
4. Get moving
We’re not saying you need to join a Cross-Fit program or start training for a marathon, but movement in whatever form feels good to you has many benefits. Exercise releases endorphins, your body’s natural pain reliever, as well as serotonin and dopamine, which improve your mood and overall brain function. Even gentle movement like yoga, tai chi, going for a walk or stretching make a difference in your mental and physical health.
5. Continue your routines
There’s comfort in the familiar, so as much as you can, keep doing the things you usually do, whether that’s walking in a nearby neighborhood, attending regular gatherings like church or a book club or maintaining your chore schedule. You might also find comfort in hobbies you haven’t picked up recently.
6. Find community in shared experiences
Though grief is a deeply personal journey, knowing that someone else understands can make you feel seen and supported. You might find this camaraderie in a grief support group — in person or online — where you can talk openly and find encouragement from others on the same journey. Sometimes you can find the same comfort in media that portrays our grief: TV shows, music, books or movies.
7. Be mindful of your health
Your mental health and your physical health are interconnected. When life weighs us down, it often keeps us from doing things we know are good for us. In these times, viewing yourself from a third person perspective and treating yourself how you would a friend or a child can reframe how you care for yourself. Make sure you’re getting quality, restful sleep and enough of it. Nourish your body with nutritious foods and plenty of water. Incorporate movement into your days, whether it’s a full workout, a gentle walk or anything in between. Take care of your hygiene — even completing simple tasks like brushing your teeth or taking a shower can feel like wins that activate your brain’s reward center. Finally, grief can weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to illness, so see your doctor if you notice your physical health suffering amidst your grief.
8. Express your emotions
Whatever expressing your emotions in a meaningful way looks like to you, it’s important to give your grief an outlet rather than bottling it. Maybe you’re able to release your emotions through physical activity. You could also try a creative outlet like art or music. Give yourself the freedom to express your feelings using multiple avenues. Tried and true methods like journaling and talking with a friend or a therapist are always available, too.
Taking care of yourself when someone close to you dies can feel like a herculean effort. This list provides small ways you can practice mindfulness and self-care while grieving, but you don’t have to follow the entire list — one or two practices can be extremely helpful. Take what you need and leave the rest.